Nobody knows my reputation.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Bad Scene #1

Last year I’d worked myself up into a frenzy over a blind date. This guy described himself as being quite easy on the eyes and worth “a million bucks” so how could I not expect a stellar evening? But instead...

Here's the course of events: the reservation was made at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse for 7:30pm. I was the first to arrive. I figured that our friend Anthony would appear within minutes so I sat in one of the lobby chairs and tried to look as breathtaking as possible. After 10 minutes of looking breathtaking and no Anthony, I went to the front desk to accept our reservations. No sign of my date. I sat at the bar and froze for another 10 minutes. Still no Anthony. I went back to the lobby to perch. No dice. Then I checked my cell phone and found that our friend had left a message saying that he couldn't quite find the building and he wasn't sure where to park. I informed him that complimentary valet parking was available in front but by then he'd already shoe-horned his SUV into a garage down the street.

Anyway, he's on his way up now. The jitters erupt full force. I'd already taken Cristina’s physical descriptions of Anthony (tall, well built, nice looking) and created my own mammoth vision of a 6' 3" 260 lb., NFL running back. So when a 5' 10" 165 lb. guy (wild guess) walks toward me I'm completely stunned. "Hi Nicole, nice to finally meet you." THIS is ANTHONY?!?

Suffice it to say that I was not at all attracted to the person standing before me.

Anyway, we were finally seated. Our server was phenomenal - Ann. She proceeded to list the entrée and drink specials from memory for a solid two minutes. Mr. Anthony made note of her stellar presentation and let her know that he was once a proud member of the food service industry (she, somehow, didn’t seem all that amazed). As I was to be reminded repeatedly, over and over, often, throughout the course of our meal, Anthony was once employed at Outback Steakhouse. He wrote a song about it. Like to hear it? Here it go:

I got to hear how Anthony started at Outback. How long he worked at Outback. How great it was to work at Outback. Who he worked with at Outback. How much fun he had working at Outback. How many friends he'd made at Outback. How wonderful it was at Outback. That he still kept in touch with the friends at Outback. How hard he'd worked at Outback. How much he loved his manager (Dennis) at Outback. How much Manager Dennis loved him at Outback. How often Manager Dennis begged Anthony to remain at Outback. How hard it was for Anthony to finally leave Outback. How much Anthony wished he'd stayed at Outback. The heights to which Anthony could've ascended if only he'd stuck by Manager Dennis at Outback.

Approximately forty minutes of the evening's total conversation was dedicated to Outback Steakhouse. The rest was spent fishing for compliments. Him: "You look nice this evening but you didn't tell me I looked like a million bucks." That's because I try not to lie.

For dinner I ordered the lettuce wedge, the Ahi-Tuna Stack, a side of asparagus and a glass of White Zinfandel. Mr. Anthony ordered a house salad, veal chop, side of potatoes and a rum and coke. Later we each had a dessert. The total price of our meal? A mere $116.32. Then the moment we've all been waiting for: will he bust out the 20% coupon and swivel the check sideways? No, instead he went over each item of the check with his index finger, pauses and says "Okay, I can get dinner if you can pay tip."

We finally make our exit. In the lobby he says, "Well, I had a nice time." Me: "Yeah. DINNER was great."

Oh well, what're ya gonna do?


Advanced beyond all that you can possibly comprehend with 100% of your brain.

<< # Bitch Club ? >>