But I Don't Remember ASKING

A friend of mine just received this notice from his employer regarding office holiday parties:

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During the holidays, employees are often invited to attend holiday events that are held outside of the office. Please note our policy regarding these events and govern yourselves accordingly:

Employees are permitted to attend external holiday events, but must first obtain legal, written authorization.

Employees may share food with coworkers but participation is strictly voluntary.

Employees are allowed to attend their spouse’s holiday parties.

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1) "Employees are allowed to attend their spouse's holiday parties?"

Why is this grand show of leniency only extended to married folk? What if you've got a fiance? What if you've got a girlfriend/boyfriend? What if you got a baby-daddy??

2) If you decide to attend, say, your roommate's yuletide fiesta, are agents of Middle Management gonna haul you off to the clink?

3) Since when does anyone require written permission to live their own damn LIFE??