Nobody knows my reputation.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Bad Scene #3

The bad scene to end ALL bad scenes. I never want to date again after this...

Let’s call this guy Tallboy. He's 6' 8" and very attractive. Of course I met him at the gym - where else do I go?

So Tallboy asks me out one night and we meet at 8:30. We end up going to a couple of monuments and it was actually pretty nice. At first he seems really cool and funny, curses a bit much and is just a tad too blunt sometimes. What the hey, I'll cut him a little slack. But as the night wears on? It becomes an episode of the Twilight Zone:

He's randomly singing the same song every five minutes. Out loud. To himself. And when he's not singing he's talking - again to himself. He's still cursing like a sailor and hollering out something that sounds like "big tongue" over and over again. Later in the evening I'd had enough of his "big tongue" antics and finally asked what the hell he was talking about. He says, "It's this joke me and my boys got going. If a guy ain't 'packin' then he's got a big tongue to make up for it. But if he is 'packin' then he's got a little tongue"

...crickets chirp...

"What? You don't find that funny?" Dude, I don’t even get it.

And of course he gives me the "I'm not in a hurry to screw some strange girl" speech. So why is it that he's constantly commenting on my capris and getting touchy-feely? Then he tries to get even MORE touchy-feely. What? Are? You? Doing??

And this image will horrify me till the end of my days. We're sitting outside the Lincoln Memorial. (Need I remind you that this is a historic landmark filled with parents, kids, the family dog, etc.?) Tallboy is saying how much he loves the summer because you can wear shorts and go without socks for awhile. Next thing I know, he rips his shoe off and goes, "Hey, are you into feet??" He’s grinning his head off and twiddling his toes. WHAT THE HELL??!!

"You know, are you into feet? Do you like kissing toes and whatnot?" UM, PUT YOUR SHOE BACK ON!!!

Longest story ever told, short - beneath all of that borderline psychotic behavior, there just wasn't a whole lot of chemistry there. If he wasn't 6' 8" and cute, he'd have not a PRAYER of interacting with a woman under any circumstances.


Advanced beyond all that you can possibly comprehend with 100% of your brain.

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