Nobody knows my reputation.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Dweebs, Geeks and Frickin Weirdos

Pound for pound, the people who work in our office building have GOT to be the daffiest assortment I've ever encountered.

Our department occupies only half of the third floor in this building. The other half is inhabited by a motley crew of doofwads and nimtards. A few examples:

Aquanet - neither rain, nor sleet, nor howling wind will prevent this woman from exhausting an entire can of hairspray in the ladies room every morning. She spends at least a solid half hour in front of the vanity mirror chellaquing each strand of hair to her scalp. Only to have the final result look identical to what she walked in with. But if your look needed that much of an overhaul then wouldn't you tend to it before you unleash yourself on an unsuspecting public?

Lunch Thief - yes, some fool actually stole people's $3.47 Hungry Man entrees. No, we've never quite figured out who it was. But eventually the situation got so ridiculous that a coworker threatened to refreeze a jimmy-rigged Lean Cuisine laced with human hair and dog deposits. Not sure if they ever followed through with their threat but, since then, the thefts have kinda come to a screeching halt.

Frodo - Easily the weirdest of the bunch. This pygmy spends his entire work day wandering floors that he doesn't even work on. In fact, we're not even convinced he works in the building, so what the hell is he doing here?? Just yesterday I tried to get in our office file room only to find the door locked. I assume we'd instated a key policy...until Frodo strolls out like the party's over. No explanations. No embarrassment. Somebody lend me a clue, here.


Advanced beyond all that you can possibly comprehend with 100% of your brain.

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