Fish Dude

No matter where I am, no matter what I'm doing, they always find me.

This time I'm in the grocery store, minding my own business, when he descends upon me: Fish Dude from behind the seafood counter.

Now, any card-carrying Black person knows that in a Black grocery store? You. Never. Leave. The. Fish. Counter. I don't care if it's the second coming of Eddie Murphy. You just don't do it. Black people do not play with they seafood!

But Fish Dude obviously had a death wish when he strolled three aisles over just to holler at me. And you would think, given that his life was in jeopardy, he would make a stellar impression from moment one. But no. Not Fish Dude. Instead he stands at the end of the aisle and yells: "Man, I bet you got some pretty feet!!"

What the hell kinda line is that?????

He elaborates, "So, you married? You seein' anybody?" Gee, I wasn't until about 30 SECONDS AGO.

Fish Dude prepares to launch his second offensive when a man walks up, looking alarmed, "Excuse me, are you the Fish Dude??" Fish Dude confirms that he is, indeed, a proud purveyor of fine fish. The man starts to make his seafood request when he catches Fish Dude's expression and realizes he's mack-blocking, "Oh my bad, dawg! Don't worry about it, she'll roll back past here later on!!"

Then the guy looks at me and goes, "You need to ask him for a discount on the shrimp!"

Peace out, homey.