Are you KIDDING me??

The world is chock full of jack-leg dudes. Like the ones listed below:

Krusty the Clown - he's got half a working tooth, field rodents in his hair and nothing even close to a job. But he knows he's got everything a woman could possibly want. Yeah, I walked out of the house this morning just to give you the time of day. Keep it moving, smokey.

Casper the Friendly Ghost - this is the guy that gave you the time of your life then talked to you on the phone so long James Earl Jones cut the line. But a minute later, he's fallen off the face of the earth and you're filing a missing person's report. Where's the punchline to that joke?

Barnacle Boy - you need a grappling hook and a crowbar to pry this guy off. He's constantly hanging around your desk, he's got all your numbers on speed dial and your license plate is committed to memory. Always hugged up on you, always trying to take you out. Face it, the dude is your destiny.

Somebody's Grandfather - this guy obviously came over on the Mayflower carrying an AARP card. In fact, one old boy had the nerve to tell me that I looked like his granddaughter. Um, maybe because she and I went to high school together??

A Monkey's Uncle - this one shows up at all the summer barbecues wearing a polo shirt, khaki shorts, patent leather loafers, knee socks to his chin, and enough gold around his neck to pay somebody's college tuition. His award-winning woman approach? "Ay, baby girl! Come on over here and give Lester some sugar..."

It's about to be me and some cats for the rest of my natural life.