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Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Gallant Fox III

It was bad enough when they messed with the elevators. Now the Pentagon is running a public safety drill. Here are the details:

Subject: Large-Scale Public Safety Exercise at Pentagon
Tomorrow the Pentagon will host a large-scale exercise named Gallant Fox III. This exercise will involve a large number of emergency vehicles from local fire, police and rescue units. Loud noise simulation devices ("flash-bangs") will be used during the exercise. Some Metrobus pickup and drop-off locations at the Pentagon will be changed. Please do not call 911 unless there is an actual emergency outside of the exercise.

Here is a list of our office Gallant Fox III screw-ups:

M-Do: will attempt to lure hoards of male emergency personnel using strategically placed orange folders. Later she'll be taken into custody by military police after accidentally setting off a 50 lb. crate of "flash-bangs" with her plastic fish cup.

LJ: will spend half the morning pointing and winking at female emergency personnel. He will then commandeer an EMS bullhorn to request Sassy's personal information from passing Pentagon staff.

MR: will be surrounded by a Hazmat tent after audibly breathing upon (and, consequently, immobolizing) military personnel. Will use his one call to phone his wife and yell at her.

WQ: after being informed of the upcoming public safety EXERCISE, will round up WA, don her Richard Simmons brand Aerobi-Gear and head off to the Skywalk to stretch loudly for half an hour.

RH: after completely screwing up his morning bus route, will be harpooned with a long range tranq-dart when his Muffet is mistaken for an agent of biological warfare. He'll be released after several hours of interrogation with a weed whacker and carafe of powdered tea.


Advanced beyond all that you can possibly comprehend with 100% of your brain.

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