Parental Units

Moving is hard enough.

But now I've got to alleviate the massive coronary my parents have whenever I change residences. The last time I moved they had a thousand questions, like:

Is the apartment secure?
Is there an alarm system?
Is the community gated?
Is there an elevator?
Are the residents insane??

My answers satisfied them when it came to the last apartment (which, ironically, is totally unsafe. Even the APARTMENT MANAGER has had her car broken into.) But none of my answers will satisfy them in reference to my new digs:

It's not at all secure.
There's no alarm system.
There isn't a gate in sight.
Elevator?? HAHAHA!!!
The residents seem sane enough, though I haven't run any background checks...

My mother is wigging because I haven't hired a professional mover. And my father will want verbal confirmation that I have NOT been murdered every time I leave the house.

Did I mention that I'm 28...?