Tales from the Dorkside

ADT. A nonstop gaggle of geeks.

They were supposed to show up on Saturday at 11am for an alarm system installation. Then the sales office changed it to 12pm at the last minute. So why is my doorbell ringing at 9:52?

It's Alarm Clown claiming that the office told him installation was to take place at 10am. Should I turn this guy away and wait another 3 weeks for the install, or bite the bullet and get it over with? I opt for the latter.

Now I'm decked out like the creature from the black lagoon, groggily showing Alarm Clown where everything should be installed. We descend into the basement where he explains that he needs to run a phone line from my utility room to the box outside. So I ask if he wants me to move my belongings out of the way first. His response: "Well, er...you can. I mean, if I break anything I'm not gonna be held responsible."

My ass.

By the time my grogged-up brain latches on to the fact that Alarm Clown is a card-carrying clod, he's already drilling a hole in my wall. And by drilling, I mean the sound your tooth makes when the dentist hits a bad spot. This choad's first love OBVIOUSLY wasn't carpentry. But after two hours of thuds and groans, Alarm Clown proudly proclaims his work is done.

My ass.

This dweebhole is trying to leave without finishing the job. I may LOOK like a swamp creature but dude, come on...

Me: "Wait, what about my lamp module?"
Alarm Clown: "You were supposed to get a lamp module??"
Me: "Um, YEAH."
Alarm Clown: "Oh. Well, let me go and get one of those out of the truck. I'll be right back."

Ten minutes later he's almost audi-5 AGAIN.

Me: "Wait, what about my smoke detector?"
Alarm Clown: "Who told you that you were supposed to get one of those??"
Me: "The salesman??"
Alarm Clown: "Can I see your contract again?
Me: "It's right here."
Alarm Clown: "You see, this is why I hate the salesmen - I can't read this! The guy needs to go back to school and learn how to write."

The lameness is overwhelming.

Suffice it to say that the alarm is installed but I've got two big gouges in my wall to show for it. And had I not waylaid this fool on his way out, I would have been stuck with half a functioning security system. Will this parade of circus performers ever cease?!