Nobody knows my reputation.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Bad Grammy

I'm sure a lot of you are at odds with the results of the Grammys last night.

I mean, come on, why is it that every time U2 puts out a damn album they get half-a-dozen statues hurled at it??

Anyway, I'd like to *respectfully* submit a few pieces of songwriting genius that were overlooked by the Grammy committee this year. These songs resonate with audiences all over the globe:

17. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine

16. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass Out All Day Long

15. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

14. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me

13. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

12. I Liked You Better Before I Got To Know You So Well

11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Getting Better

10. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

9. I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight

8. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here

7. If I'd Shot You When I First Wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison By Now

6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him

5. She Got The Ring and I Got The Finger

4. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

3. Her Teeth Were Stained But Her Heart Was Pure

2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer

And the song that BETTER win everything next year is...

1. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman, But I Sure Woke Up With a Few


Advanced beyond all that you can possibly comprehend with 100% of your brain.

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