Wrong Songs

The other day I found myself hum-singing the lyrics to "Diff'rent Strokes."



And I was going to town on a mutha. Until I realized that the song coming out of my head and the song as it was actually written had nothing to do with with each other. I've been listening to this song for almost 25 years and I still ain't got the words together?? Ladies and gentlemen, I am a professional idiot.

And before you try to dispute the fact that I am not humanity's brightest bulb? I need you to explain THIS:

Yeah, the world don't move
To the beat of just one drum
What might be right for you
May not be right for some.

[Fine so far. But let us proceed...]

There's a man in March
He's the man of means
Then along come the two
They've got nothing but disease.

[I seriously doubt that disease was EVER incorporated into the script.]

Cause they got Diff'rent Strokes, it takes
Diff'rent Strokes, it takes
Diff'rent Strokes to rule the world.

[RULE the world? Hitler must have composed this thing.]

Everybody's got a special kind of story
Everybody finds a way to shi-iii-ine
What The Man don't got, he got a lot
But so what?
I've got his, you've got yours and I'll have mine
And together we'll be fine!

[Roughly translated: "this dude is white as rice and we some street-bred black kids? He's about to come off his money REAL quick!"]

Cause it takes Diff'rent Strokes to rule the world
Yes it does. It takes,
Diff'rent Strokes to rule the WORLD!

Okay people, seriously. WHAT the hell was that?!?