I Need A Man

So I'm watching ShopNBC. Partially because I'm obsessed with it and partially because it makes great background noise when you don't want to be distracted by GOOD television. Anyway, one of the salesbroads is pushing some kind of diamond bangle thingy to her loyal viewers. The suckers were selling like hotcakes when she she decided to go with THIS as a selling point:

"This is the perfect bracelet for a woman who is single and living alone and doesn't want to have to be bothered with closing a clasp."

Okay. Hold it. Back this thing up.

You're selling me a diamond bangle for umpteen-hundred dollars and the ONLY way you can justify this purchase is: I ain't got no man.

Who knew that women were so inane as to base their jewelry purchases on their relationship status? I'm 29 years old and this is the first I've heard of this.

And is it the same situation for EVERYBODY?
1) What if you're a lesbian?
2) What if you've married a dolphin?
3) Do you hock your jewelry after a divorce?
4) What if you're dating a paraplegic?
5) Can your baby-daddy hook you up?
6) What if your husband's secretly gay?
7) Is it really 2006 or did I just dream that up??